The Memorial

Isabelle’s memorial was on Saturday morning. It was a really good idea. We had it at the Church Heather and Justin grew up in which made it a familiar and special place.

I don’t watch YouTube but they each chose a special video from there to dedicate to Isabelle. Justin chose :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MIJShOqh8Q

His explanation is that to him she’s not growing up in real life, but is growing in his heart, and so he dedicated this song to her.

Heather chose:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsLeLYV-rus&feature=related

Both of course made us all cry.

I think and hope that the memorial will give them some closure. I have a feeling that some of the older ladies were there because they had suffered miscarriages back when it wasn’t acceptable to morn an unborn child. I hope they got some closure also.

Heather is still really having bad contraction like cramps and started lactating on Sunday. Such fun, (Not!)  Stinks to have things happen that are hard to put up with even with a baby to hold. Sat and Sunday she was still really weak but she is starting to get stronger, I didn’t have to help her up the stairs to the house today, but she still won’t try the stairs to her room.

Unfortunately she is almost out of the Tylenol 3 and Motrin just isn’t doing it for her. I really wonder what that Dr. did to her. I normally am extremely trusting of Doctors. I love the practice my family and I have gone to for about 16 years now. There have only been three doctors I didn’t trust in my adult life, and my feelings of distrust of her are extremely strong. I know that I am probably putting some of my emotion from the miscarriage into anger at her, but I also am pretty sure that it is only a small part of my distrust.

I really don’t want to end this on a negative note. We have had wonderful support and love and I am very grateful for that. The grief counselor at the hospital was wonderful as were all the nurses.

Heather and Justin are going to donate money for a memorial to Isabelle at the church for playground equipment.

After the D&C

I want to thank everyone who covered Heather in Prayer. She actually had a fairly good afternoon and evening on Wed night and then did really outstanding Thursday. A few breakdowns but nothing like she had been for the last week. Please continue to pray for her as it will still be rough for quite a while but certainly through the memorial on Sat.
 
A big prayer request. The “fairly routine” 20 minute procedure that we were told to expect lasted over one and maybe 2 hours, she went in at 7:30 we finally saw her at 11, but don’t know how long she was in recovery. The doctor insisted that the procedure was nothing out of the ordinary, she just lost a bit more blood than normal but nothing unusual. And that, oh yah, Heather is correct when she says she had a transfusion but nothing was unusual….And that she still needed to go home today even though she couldn’t even sit up at 3 without almost passing out.
 
The nurses who she almost passed out on didn’t agree and neither did the anesthesiologist (Who happens to be my landlord). In fact he said that her taking so long to recover was due to the very large amount of blood she lost. After her bp fell to below 50/30 each time she got up to go to the bathroom (With a ton of assistance), and never going over 98/50, the dr ordered a second transfusion and said that oh sure, no problem, she could stay overnight if she wanted too….
 
Other than feeling very dizzy and her IV’s hurting all day, (her arms are both very bruised from all the needles) she has actually done very well. She has been distracted enough just trying to cope with her physical problems that she hasn’t had time to concentrate on her loss. Then some friends came to the Hospital Thursday evening and kept her sidetracked and laughing the whole evening. I left her with her dad spending the night (I had to get back to Matt) a very tired and somewhat sore young lady.

Falling apart

Because the baby stopped growing at 15 weeks, even though she was 21 weeks preg. she can’t take home the baby and have an actual burial. She doesn’t have the energy to fight and we have nowhere to store the baby till we could get her buried anyway. We can’t afford a gravesite and while there is a free burial for miscarried babies, it is only once a year and was the third week in Sept. Since I rent it wouldn’t make sense to bury her at the house.

I am still quite a bit upset with this Dr. (Figures, the last apt was suppose to be our last with her) She is insisting on a D&C instead of an induction for “safety reasons”. Despite the fact that other Drs say that the D&C can actually be more risky and it insures that there is no way she can see her baby the way she probably could with an induction. But she is too tired to try and meet with someone else and go through all the explainations etc that would be needed for a second opinion. 

There are wonderful supports out there for preterm and miscarried babies but the laws and the hospitals seem to make it much more difficult that it needs to be. Some people don’t want to have anything else to do with the remains of a failed pregnancy, but others, like my daughter have bonded very closely (Knowing she had down syndrome helped to make the attachment and preparations stronger)and it isn’t Medical waste, it is a baby girl named Isabelle. After 20 weeks things are treated differently, but it is the baby being 20 weeks, not the pregnancy. Well what the heck difference does that make to the mom? She still spent the same 20 weeks dreaming and loving.
Sorry, venting a bit. My daughter isn’t home tonight so I don’t have to be strong for her and thus am close to breaking apart, but my son is home and thus I can’t get toasted like I would love to, and really can’t lose control either. Sometimes being a single mom really sucks. I can stand on my own but boy would it be nice to have a strong pair of arms holding me right now.